Bone, in 3 Word Wednesday, chose these three words for us to create with: breath scattered tomorrow.
Check out the other creations here. As usual it took me places I had no intention of going.
Direction
It was her breath that scattered his thoughts,
for it was both sweet and heated
as it tossed out words
that floated gently to penetrate his heart
even as they bit chunks from his self esteem.
He thought it love,
others thought it veiled abuse.
Only time will tell if tides will turn.
MeeAugraphie
01/23/08
Note: Oopsed on the prompt words… Thank you, PJD for telling me. I like knowing when I do that, because I really do love the challenge of using all the words. (Yes, this was not the first time.)
McLeesBogaert
12 Comments
This was really good, but very sad Marcia. Hopefully he’ll either wake up… or it really will be love. And she’ll learn to act like it.
[Do you think that next time you write "in a rush," it can be not good or something? I'd appreciate it :)]
I can’t write except in a rush, TC, not really; I did edit it a teeny bit trying to get one point across, but if the words don’t come out unbidden, they fight me tooth and nail, and I haven’t that much patience. I originally wrote it first person, for effect, but didn’t want anyone to associate it with me…. Remember, it is the turtle that gets there…. so don’t change.
wow, tough and deep. nicely done.
though I have one critical comment… I think in your editing zeal to make it better, you swapped out the prompt word “tomorrow” for “time”… but I do agree that “time” is better in that line.
He thought it love,
others thought it veiled abuse.
Too true. Loved that
as you well know,, abuse translates well into love for me most of the time… emotion.. raw emotion good or bad… this was very insightful… expertly done….
M,
Despite the suggestion of abuse this is pretty heavy on sweet. I don’t assume this is autobiographical so I hope I haven’t come off poorly.
and this written with the laundromat hanging over you? incredible. the middle one line stanza is terrific - but the whole poem is.
veiled abuse, such a strong phrase…love it! Deep one here.
I like sad posts. Somehow appeals more to me..
if tomorrow comes
I thought this was very poignant — so well expressed in so few words…I especially liked “he thought it love, others thought it veiled abuse” — it speaks so much to what we accept in the name of love and what others can see that we are blinded to. We know that men do this to women but we are not as aware of how often it happens when roles are reversed…and it does.
He loves her, but not the words. How often do we let others lambast us!
I really like this poem. It doesn’t matter to me if you didn’t use a word. It’s the poem that counts, and your connection with that poet’s voice inside of you.
Is not every relationship a bit of both?
amazing description…to me it could go either way…isn’t that the way love is….absolutely there’s abuse…and then there’s love…i’m thinking liz and dick…i’ll take the high road….crazy love…