Sympathy’s Role
Expressions of sympathy
are not made better by
poetic words
coined by unconnected humans,nor are those any less valued
when receivedHeartfelt words
written without grammar’s interference,
written on whatever is available,whether a torn piece of paper
or a well worn tongueare equally effective
in bringing voice to feelings,And, for those
who have lost more
than we could ever replace,
we can not remove the silencebut we can do our best
to help them start the process
of allowing the roar
of smiles buried beneath tearsto one day crack the iced veneer.
MeeAugraphie
08/19/08
Our neighbor died last week. I wrote about how some human’s react to death here.
In my opinion, NO ONE knows what to say when someone dies. “I understand” isn’t what you want to hear. Neither is “I feel your pain” because no, you really don’t. And I think that in accepting each other’s very own human reaction of not being able to say anything adequate (because “I’m sorry” seems so lacking when it’s your family or friend) at that time.
TCs last blog post..Crater, I’m sure missing them
Wow, I didn’t finish my thought. I was going to say that I think in accepting each other’s very own human reaction of not being able to say anything adequate, we are able to console ourselves a little more, and know that it will be our turn to say the wrong thing next. Because it does go full circle after awhile.
TCs last blog post..Crater, I’m sure missing them
TC, I agree completely with your comment. No one does know what to say, and sometimes words just won’t surface at all. It is less the words, I think, than that they words are said, a hand is extended. I agree on words like “I understand” and “I feel your pain”, we aren’t in their shoes – and though said by many and well intentioned, it can actually aggravate, because we aren’t in their shoes, even if we have lost someone we loved dearly, every relationship is different. I’m so grateful you chose to comment on this.
I want to clarify that what I was attempting to express here, was my belief that if you instinctively want to say something, say it, don’t hold it back. It may be the wrong thing, but it is, to me, honoring both the deceased and the living with acknowledgment of the situation. I am not meaning there is one thing that is right to say, sometimes nothing feels right or will even be taken right… but too many times we hold back when a word said would have meant more than silence.
That said, I, also, agree, that often we do understand another’s silence and respect them for it, for being human, but often, as well, someone is so vulnerable when they loose someone, that we can make the difference by taking the time to say something, anything, it acknowledges the worth of the person who died, and so many times, I hear of people who have needed, wanted to talk about the person they loved so very much, and people back off for so many reasons. By saying those few words from your heart, you give that person the option of engaging in conversation if that is what they need, but you also leave the door open for them to shut it if it is not yet right for them. If you say nothing, it could be the one missed opportunity that could have made a difference.
I have been at the receiving end – and it sucks when someone’s death is not, at the least, acknowledged by certain people. It is hard, at the time, to put yourselves in their shoes when you are suffering so much. I know we are all so imperfect, but I feel that if those of us who are instinctive listened to our instincts and spoke up….
I am too sensitive, I know. I feel like a person whose death was not acknowledged was not deemed worthy by people who knew them, because in acknowledging death, we acknowledge we noticed them as being alive and worthy. And I have, in the past, been guilty of not sending a card or note or calling — when I should have, because I didn’t feel my condolences mattered. I can only hope they felt like you – and understood I was just a human being.
Marcias last blog post..Sympathy’s Role